i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
