i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am naked and annoyed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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