my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
