Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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