Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
