Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
