ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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