My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
