weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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