if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
