it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
