his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
