omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
