I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
