how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
