His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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