so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize