I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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