best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
