I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
