i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
