i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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