He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
