I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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