The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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