its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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