i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
