youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
