so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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