Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize