I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
