i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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