FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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