The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
