I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
