i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
