Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
