Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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