This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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