before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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