peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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