I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
