i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
