ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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