I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
