No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
