I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
