I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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