Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I could fuck to npr.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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