dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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