My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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