I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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