I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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