go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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