M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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