By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
