Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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