pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
