I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
