She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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