i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
