Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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