I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
