The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
