when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
