did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
