God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
